My Brokeheart Mountain

In my experience, if you are gay, "coming out of the closet" is either a non-issue, a never-ending saga, or totally out of the question. I have a lot of my friends, who are like Tom C., who are still deep inside the closet for their own personal reasons. Those dear to them have either no idea, or have never given them the opportunity for them to open it up for discussion.

The ball of my coming out started rolling when I was in college, when my third older sister confronted me one day, after having my nanny spy on my late nite goings & comings and received a final report as to who was picking me up and driving me home. I blatantly and swiftly answered her unexpected inquiry. I even surprised myself, since this was the first time in my life that I said the words, "gay" and "boyfriend" within one sentence in reference to myself. And so the never ending saga of coming out started.

Eleven years ago, when I moved to the U.S. with the plan of settling in the East Coast, where my eldest sister and older brother live, I had no choice but to tell them the reason as to why I decided to settle in L.A. instead. After coming out to my two siblings, the last of the family members to receive the news, I knew the hardest part of coming out was behind me and that for any future friendships, my sexual orientation would not be an issue.

Coming out is never easy on either party. I know my family was initially heartbroken. My one and only brother was devastated. I broke his heart when I told him that it was up to him to carry on the family's last name, so he had better have a son once he decided to start his own family. I was comforted to hear from his wife that he said, "Well, what can I do, he is my brother, and I love him.". That positive notion carried me over all these years.

Now, more than a decade later, it was my turn to get my heart broken. This personal blog of mine, which was a means for me to share my life with my family & friends, has inadvertently forced my brother to come out to me as a "Bush-supporting, conservative, right wing, religious right, Republican bigot".
If you're interested in reading what he wrote to me, click HERE.
If you're interested in reading how I responded, please click HERE.
If after reading his letter, you find yourself unperturbed and concur with his ideas, please let me know, so I can decide how to proceed with our relationship.
Thank you.

Addressing my brother

My dear brother,

Thank you for finally expressing what is hidden in the darkest recesses of your mind and heart. It must have been such a heavy cross to bear have to have all of these bottled up inside for more than a decade. At least, I did not have to wait to be on my dying bed to hear words that many people fail to exchange or relay in their lifetime.Well, I too, love you very much!But you already know that, and I am one who has never had any difficulty expressing it to anyone with whom I share these feelings. However, it is sad and unfortunate that you chose to use these precious loving words to sandwich a body of text fraught with ignorance as your glib response to my sharing of my so called "wrong" life in my blog.Did you really think that starting and ending your letter like this would soften the blow of your coming out as a "Bush-supporting, conservative, right wing, religious right, Republican bigot"?

I decided to wait a few days to process my thoughts, so as not to be so reactive and hopefully be more proactive in my unsolicited rebuttal.

As you may know, a blog is an online journal/diary/personal chronological log of thoughts which often reflects the personality of the author. It is a modern means for me to share my thoughts and experiences mainly to a selected group of people, namely my family and my friends.
Contrary to what you think, my blog is not an "advertisement of my being gay". Since it is about my life, I took advantage of playing with the title of a contemporary novel and film, "Memoirs of a Geisha". Mom and Bill both did express their trepidation with the use of the word "gay" in my title. Part of their reasons is that they felt that it may limit my accepting audience and may alienate others from my position. Having a mind of my own, I obviously ignored their discomfort, since I saw nothing wrong in the use of the term because simply I believe “there is nothing wrong with the term”, and everyone in my target audience knows that I am gay, anyway. I was not about to give in and compromise who I am and also sacrifice my creative freedom and wit. Now, being gay is just part of who I am. It is not all of who I am. Among others, my blog also shows that I am a son/brother/uncle/friend who believes that most of the goodness in him comes from his parents and his family, that I am a romantic who loves to write poems and songs about his loved ones, that I am someone, just like most people, whose interests also involves animals/sports/music/travel/culture, and that I am someone who can make light of some things in life and have a sense of humor about it.

Now, about politicizing my sexual orientation by "influencing" others about my plight... It just so happens that the recent events happening in the US were riddled with issues that are, without a doubt, close to my heart; such as immigration and gay/equal rights. I am not one who enjoys discussing politics and certainly do not claim to be an authority to have such power to influence one's proclivities. I was merely presenting topics that affect me personally and have no problem opening myself up to others. And yes, sharing them may "enlighten" some other's views because of their association with me. My network of contacts in my addressbook are brimming with people from all walks of life from older to younger, from the dirt poor to the very rich, from the jobless to the ones who don't need to work, from the fittest to the dying a slow death, liberal to conservative, democrat to republican, white to black, gay to straight and yes, also everything "in between". With some of these connections, because of simply knowing me and the goodness I have shown to them, they have now changed their preconceived notions of Filipinos, Asians, Catholics, and/or Gays. I firmly believe that even if one was raised a bigot, in time, if one is willing to have an open mind and is given the opportunity to be able to create meaningful connections with a person or more from various groups of a different race, religion, politics, or sexual orientation; one's partiality to one's own group eventually weakens and one understands the other better. I find myself disconcerted to realize that this apparently has not worked for some members of my family, who incontestably have known me the longest, and presumably wished only for my happiness.

Now, allow me to address your disordered dogmatism in the disorganized manner in which it was presented.

I find your misuse of a lot of terms, especially "male" and "female" very amusing. Gender is not synonymous to sexual orientation or sexual identity. I can only surmise that what you really were trying to infer about “me not seeing any other males/females seeking identity” is that heterosexuals do not feel the need to flaunt their lifestyle. This is quite understandable since they obviously do not belong to the marginalized minority. If a straight couple got married and eventually gave birth to their first child and shared their joys of matrimony and parenthood in an email or blog, should all childless unable-to-marry same-sex couples in their circle be offended and take that as "heterosexuals seeking their identity”?

Your reference to me being what I am is based on the "choices" that I have made is totally revolting and lacking in any scientific or empirical input and is utterly unintelligent and backward in thinking. It reeks of leanings toward nurture in the nature vs. nurture debate. You say "you cannot judge me for the choices I've made in my life", and yet YOU DID...and in the same breath, "you can tell me what "IS" right and wrong, like it was some absolute truth...Well, there is no absolute to what "IS", only what you "BELIEVE IS"!I'm not too clear on what you claim is wrong, being gay or politicizing gay issues? I sure pray that it is the latter.
When and how I communicate to my God is between me and my God and no one else. The last time I listened to the word of God, the sermon was about, "Judge not, lest you be judged.".

Even when we were growing up, you were always the more conservative one. I know you have voted Republican in the past. But what I didn't know, and was not prepared for, was to discover how extreme far out over the top right wing you are. Perhaps your political pundit (who as I last read was inching towards Richard Nixon's depth in the polls of approval) will enlighten you on what is "wrong and right" the next time he opens his mouth to switch feet.

There is an obvious disconnect in your argument.What I was opposed to was the Federal Marriage Amendment or "Marriage Protection Amendment", which proposes to amend the U.S. Constitution which would define marriage in the U.S. as a union of one man and one woman. This in turn would prevent legislative or judicial extension of marriage-like rights to same-sex couples or other unmarried persons. Without marriage, neither partner in a relationship, whether straight or gay, has any legal right to (just to name a few) joint parenting or adoption; next-of-kin access and decision-making in serious medical situations; joint insurance policies and leases; inheritance through right of survivorship; benefits such as annuities, pension, Social Security and Medicaid; veterans' discounts on medical care, education and home loans; or bereavement or sick leave to care for a partner or child.
I certainly, in this matter, was not talking about modifying the definition of marriage as it is defined in the dictionary or in man's interpretation of the modern bible. The founding fathers of this country were outspoken proponents of the separation of church and state. I'm not talking about religion and walking down the aisle together. I'm talking about secular legal rights here. If government suddenly made an amendment that dictated that if you passed away before your wife, she was not going to receive any of your social security benefits, would that seem fair? Wouldn't you like your brother to experience the joys of fatherhood like you do, if ever he wanted to take advantage of such an opportunity to adopt?

The rest of your text covering marriage to kin and dogs and so forth sounds like a thrown out drafted speech from a religious right/Christian coalition meeting and is purely asinine and equivocal, and I will not waste my time by making a go at it and confound the writer.

Please do not make blanket statements and speak for others. If Mom and Dad have “tolerated what has become of me” because of indebtedness to Bill, I'm afraid to imagine what kind of relationship I would currently have with my parents had I not met Bill. How can you expect one to argue a debate statement like “the act is wrong” when it is presented once again as an absolute. You never even once attempted to express your thoughts as an “opinion” by using words like, “I believe, think, feel” which you should have, since your thoughts are not substantiated by positive knowledge of proof. You use the teachings of the religion with which you were raised, as the backbone of your thesis without opening yourself to other channels of research.

You bet I discussed this with Bill, not that I need to, but I want to. He is after all, my partner in life. And what do you mean by “think for yourself for a change”. I always think for myself. That's why, like any “normal” couple, we discuss but do not always agree on things. Did you share the contents of this email with your wife? Even if you may share the same values and beliefs, I highly doubt that she would have been in favor of sending your email written as it was. If you did, I would be equally as flabbergasted and disappointed in her. Even if I am not legally married to my partner, it is conspicuous I know a thing or two about being married that you have overlooked.

Finally, I was not "shoving" my lifestyle at you but was simply sharing my life. I admit, I used certain words in my blog to insinuate my disgust in certain policies by the GOP that may have "trampled" on your beliefs. I "know" that man's interpretation of the scriptures of the guidebook of the religion with which we were raised says that I can be "myself" but how I express my love in action is what is "wrong". My knowing that there is nothing wrong with how I was born and how I choose to act on it, is the very reason why I cannot continue being a fanatic follower of my religion. Do not dare misconstrue this as equating to me not having a spiritual relationship with my Creator.

So where do we go from here?
We can continue to love each other "unconditionally", but respect each other's differences without expecting to mold the other in their image.With regards to my blog (that's what it is...Sean's Blog) ...
do what I do when I receive emailed chain letters that expect forwarding ...I ignore and/or delete them.
If you do not like what you see in television, you are always free to change the channel or turn the TV off.
We always have a "choice", and that is using the word in a proper way.

Love,


Sean

My brother's Coming Out as a Bush-supporting, conservative, right wing, religious right, Republican bigot

Dear Sean,

I am not the best writer in the family, but I guess I am writing what needs to be said.First of all I want to let you know that I love you very much. I just cannot understand why you have to politicize your sexual orientation by influencing others about your plight; your feelings of gross inequity through your blogspot. You do not see me or any other male or your sisters or any other female seeking an identity of being a male or a female. We are what we are, and you are what you are based on the choices you made.

I cannot judge you for the choices you make in life. But I can tell you what is right and wrong, black and white, positive and negative. I cannot support and say and stand idle and accept what you are doing is right, because it is wrong. When was the last time you prayed or even listened at least to the word of God?

My gosh Sean, God made a Man and a Woman, anything in between I am sorry to say is an anomaly. I am not a perfect person myself, but I can distinguish and acknowledge when I do something wrong. This is the problem with society nowadays. For the sake of convenience, people tend to accept even the wrong things because it might offend those who believe in it.

What next? With your plight to seek equality by changing the definition of a marriage is unnecessary. Why do you have to get married? Isn't their simply a law that protects you or your life partners interests? Why tamper with the definition of marriage defined simply as the union between a man and a woman. So you group wins for example. What now? Will it be deemed unconstitutional to ban a gay marriage in a catholic church? Will it be unconstitutional to ban a son from marrying his mom or sister? a daughter fro marrying his dad or brother? Will it be unconstitutional to ban a man from marrying a dog and having sex with it to bear babies? mongrels if possible? Will it be unconstitutional not to provide medicine or body parts from clones because it is against Catholic beliefs to save a life or provide a cure? It is absurd. This should stop! It is wrong! I am not saying this just because I am a right wing, Bush-supporting conservative Catholic Republican. I am saying this because I have a moral duty to tell you so.

You know, I guess Mom and Dad tolerated what has become of you because they feel indebted to Bill for helping you, Sari and even Ina out. God bless him for being a good person. Unfortunately, the act is wrong. Now I bet you, you are going to discuss this with Bill as you feel the need to. Think for yourself for a change, and keep it within family.

Sean, remember one thing. I love you too no matter what you are. Just do not shove or trample what I believe in as well. Why do you have to advertise that you are gay? You are gay and be happy as is, but know and acknowledge what is right and what is wrong.


Love,


your dear brother

Happy Gay Pride - Happy Father's Day!

On June 27, 1969, The Stonewall Riots in New York City gave birth to the more radical Gay Liberation Movement.
Now the world was ready for my arrival. Less than 2 months later, my mother gave birth to her youngest. My father was the proudest father that day.

Since then, for the past 36 years, around this time of the year, Gay Pride is celebrated in almost every major city around the world. Although my marching days are way behind me, I still go to the celebration. For some reason, this year, this event made me think of my father.

I took my father to one Gay Pride event a few years ago. I was so amused to see my very "macho" father beaming, as he asked me to take his picture with his hands holding a pair of double D-cup breasts on an almost completely naked "lady". I had to ask him on the way home, "Dad, you know that wasn't a real woman...didn't you?". He naturally replied, "Of course, I knew that, son!"... LOL

My father is flying in from my homeland to visit his children and grandchildren here in the U.S., just in time to be in L.A. for Father's Day. Too bad the Christopher Street West L.A. Gay Pride was held a week earlier, thus my father missed another opportunity to touch a pair or more of L.A. homemade scientifically enhanced boobies on a transexual...LOL

Of all the colorful fabulously flamboyant costumes, signs, banners, and floats in the parade in West Hollywood, this man with a simple sign was my favorite sighting:
This is not my father in the picture, but if my Dad were with me, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have any qualms about carrying this sign. Just like he told me several years ago, when I came out to him, "Son, I don't care if you're "happy", as long as you're "gay"... and I'm proud of you!". I know that these two words are synonymous, but I think he had one "Scotch on the Rocks" too many and meant it the other way around ...but I still understood what he meant to say...LOL

To all the fathers of gay children, I do hope you are proud of them, just like my Dad is proud of me and I wish you a Happy Proud Father of a Gay Day!

And to all the gay men who are lucky to have children (whether it may have been by accident during the years of confusion, curious experimentation with a vagina, unknowing rape by a fag hag during a semi-conscious drunken state, sperm donorship, or adoption, etc.) ...
I wish you a Happy Proud Gay Father's Day!

To everyone in my community, I wish you Happy Gay Pride and
Happy Father's Day to my father and all the fathers in my life!

Binational Gay Couples in US in Immigration Bind

I am one half of a binational couple. I am Filipino and my life partner is American. There was a time in the early years of our relationship and of my life in the U.S. that I was constantly plagued by the fear that we would have to be separated one day due to the current immigration policy that does not extend the same legal rights to binational gay relationships as they do with married binational heterosexual couples. There are a lot of same sex couples who are in this quandary, including several friends of mine. In due time I was lucky enough to get my immigration status in order and was able to legally continue living my life in the States with my partner. But most are not so fortunate. My heart goes out to my brothers and sisters in the community who are in this predicament. Here's hoping that one day things will change and proper legislation will rectify this gross inequity!

Please click HERE for more details.

Oppose the Federal Marriage Amendment

Almost 11 years ago, one of Bill's nephews met the woman of his dreams. Around the same time, Bill met the love of his life. Almost a year ago, that same nephew proposed to his girlfriend of 10 years. Around the same time, Bill proposed to his life partner of 10 years. I was very touched and as excited as anyone who accepts and gets engaged. But in the back of my mind, I knew that we would have to wait for that day when we would really be allowed to get married in the State and Country where in we live. Ironically and by coincidence, on this day when the U.S. Senate begins the federal marriage amendment debate, Bill gets a call from his nephew announcing that they have set their wedding date. We're so happy for them. Congrats K & K! For us, on the other hand, our "date" will just have to wait for a more enlightened America that does not discriminate against equal citizens ...

In an open letter released Monday morning, the head of the Log Cabin Republicans takes President Bush to task for supporting the proposed federal marriage amendment, which the U.S. Senate begins debating today. Patrick Guerriero, the outgoing executive director of the gay GOP group, calls the president's support of the discriminatory amendment "an insult to millions of fair-minded Americans from all walks of life."

Please click HERE for the full text of the letter.
source: (The Advocate)

Without Walls

"Manhunt for the Commander in Briefs

ends on stage Without Walls"

We went to see Alfred Uhry's Without Walls at the Mark Taper Forum in Los Angeles on its opening night.
Laurence Fishburne, portrays Morocco, an idealistic and popular drama teacher at a non-traditional high school in Manhattan, circa 1977. Morocco, who has great skill in bringing out the best in his students, takes a confused transfer student, Anton, under his wing and gives him a chance to play the lead role opposite the prized student actress, Lexy, in a school production of “The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie.” A special bond is formed between Morocco, Anton and Lexy but misperceptions and complex emotions threaten to send the three down a perilous path. What follows is a poignant look at the power and the fragility of the student/mentor relationship.
This Center Theatre Group production is directed by Christopher Ashley. Now playing from June 1 to July 16.

Click here and here for more information.

Talk about guilty pleasures, but I wasn't expecting to see former contestant of Bravo's cheesy Reality TV Show, "Manhunt - The Search for America's Most Gorgeous Male Model", Matt Lanter, who also plays the first son in Geena Davis' TV show, Commander in Chief.
Matt is noticeably and understandably still not at ease on stage as he marks his professional theater debut and joins Tony Award-winning actor Laurence Fishburne and Amanda MacDonald in this new drama.
In the program credits, he does not mention among his short body of work, his involvement in Manhunt, where he had to jump out of a plane and skydive in his underwear on the pilot (and by that I mean the TV prototype first episode, and not the person flying the plane). In this play he drops his pants once again, but this time he is firmly planted on the ground, on stage "without walls" obstructing the view. I assure you it was an integral part of the story.

So if you enjoy seeing a good play and/or simply want to see a gay Morpheus mentor a cute guy in his Calvin's under the pretense of quenching your thirst for culture, go and see "Without Walls".
Note: Buy a seat facing stage right for a better view... LOL