Addressing my brother

My dear brother,

Thank you for finally expressing what is hidden in the darkest recesses of your mind and heart. It must have been such a heavy cross to bear have to have all of these bottled up inside for more than a decade. At least, I did not have to wait to be on my dying bed to hear words that many people fail to exchange or relay in their lifetime.Well, I too, love you very much!But you already know that, and I am one who has never had any difficulty expressing it to anyone with whom I share these feelings. However, it is sad and unfortunate that you chose to use these precious loving words to sandwich a body of text fraught with ignorance as your glib response to my sharing of my so called "wrong" life in my blog.Did you really think that starting and ending your letter like this would soften the blow of your coming out as a "Bush-supporting, conservative, right wing, religious right, Republican bigot"?

I decided to wait a few days to process my thoughts, so as not to be so reactive and hopefully be more proactive in my unsolicited rebuttal.

As you may know, a blog is an online journal/diary/personal chronological log of thoughts which often reflects the personality of the author. It is a modern means for me to share my thoughts and experiences mainly to a selected group of people, namely my family and my friends.
Contrary to what you think, my blog is not an "advertisement of my being gay". Since it is about my life, I took advantage of playing with the title of a contemporary novel and film, "Memoirs of a Geisha". Mom and Bill both did express their trepidation with the use of the word "gay" in my title. Part of their reasons is that they felt that it may limit my accepting audience and may alienate others from my position. Having a mind of my own, I obviously ignored their discomfort, since I saw nothing wrong in the use of the term because simply I believe “there is nothing wrong with the term”, and everyone in my target audience knows that I am gay, anyway. I was not about to give in and compromise who I am and also sacrifice my creative freedom and wit. Now, being gay is just part of who I am. It is not all of who I am. Among others, my blog also shows that I am a son/brother/uncle/friend who believes that most of the goodness in him comes from his parents and his family, that I am a romantic who loves to write poems and songs about his loved ones, that I am someone, just like most people, whose interests also involves animals/sports/music/travel/culture, and that I am someone who can make light of some things in life and have a sense of humor about it.

Now, about politicizing my sexual orientation by "influencing" others about my plight... It just so happens that the recent events happening in the US were riddled with issues that are, without a doubt, close to my heart; such as immigration and gay/equal rights. I am not one who enjoys discussing politics and certainly do not claim to be an authority to have such power to influence one's proclivities. I was merely presenting topics that affect me personally and have no problem opening myself up to others. And yes, sharing them may "enlighten" some other's views because of their association with me. My network of contacts in my addressbook are brimming with people from all walks of life from older to younger, from the dirt poor to the very rich, from the jobless to the ones who don't need to work, from the fittest to the dying a slow death, liberal to conservative, democrat to republican, white to black, gay to straight and yes, also everything "in between". With some of these connections, because of simply knowing me and the goodness I have shown to them, they have now changed their preconceived notions of Filipinos, Asians, Catholics, and/or Gays. I firmly believe that even if one was raised a bigot, in time, if one is willing to have an open mind and is given the opportunity to be able to create meaningful connections with a person or more from various groups of a different race, religion, politics, or sexual orientation; one's partiality to one's own group eventually weakens and one understands the other better. I find myself disconcerted to realize that this apparently has not worked for some members of my family, who incontestably have known me the longest, and presumably wished only for my happiness.

Now, allow me to address your disordered dogmatism in the disorganized manner in which it was presented.

I find your misuse of a lot of terms, especially "male" and "female" very amusing. Gender is not synonymous to sexual orientation or sexual identity. I can only surmise that what you really were trying to infer about “me not seeing any other males/females seeking identity” is that heterosexuals do not feel the need to flaunt their lifestyle. This is quite understandable since they obviously do not belong to the marginalized minority. If a straight couple got married and eventually gave birth to their first child and shared their joys of matrimony and parenthood in an email or blog, should all childless unable-to-marry same-sex couples in their circle be offended and take that as "heterosexuals seeking their identity”?

Your reference to me being what I am is based on the "choices" that I have made is totally revolting and lacking in any scientific or empirical input and is utterly unintelligent and backward in thinking. It reeks of leanings toward nurture in the nature vs. nurture debate. You say "you cannot judge me for the choices I've made in my life", and yet YOU DID...and in the same breath, "you can tell me what "IS" right and wrong, like it was some absolute truth...Well, there is no absolute to what "IS", only what you "BELIEVE IS"!I'm not too clear on what you claim is wrong, being gay or politicizing gay issues? I sure pray that it is the latter.
When and how I communicate to my God is between me and my God and no one else. The last time I listened to the word of God, the sermon was about, "Judge not, lest you be judged.".

Even when we were growing up, you were always the more conservative one. I know you have voted Republican in the past. But what I didn't know, and was not prepared for, was to discover how extreme far out over the top right wing you are. Perhaps your political pundit (who as I last read was inching towards Richard Nixon's depth in the polls of approval) will enlighten you on what is "wrong and right" the next time he opens his mouth to switch feet.

There is an obvious disconnect in your argument.What I was opposed to was the Federal Marriage Amendment or "Marriage Protection Amendment", which proposes to amend the U.S. Constitution which would define marriage in the U.S. as a union of one man and one woman. This in turn would prevent legislative or judicial extension of marriage-like rights to same-sex couples or other unmarried persons. Without marriage, neither partner in a relationship, whether straight or gay, has any legal right to (just to name a few) joint parenting or adoption; next-of-kin access and decision-making in serious medical situations; joint insurance policies and leases; inheritance through right of survivorship; benefits such as annuities, pension, Social Security and Medicaid; veterans' discounts on medical care, education and home loans; or bereavement or sick leave to care for a partner or child.
I certainly, in this matter, was not talking about modifying the definition of marriage as it is defined in the dictionary or in man's interpretation of the modern bible. The founding fathers of this country were outspoken proponents of the separation of church and state. I'm not talking about religion and walking down the aisle together. I'm talking about secular legal rights here. If government suddenly made an amendment that dictated that if you passed away before your wife, she was not going to receive any of your social security benefits, would that seem fair? Wouldn't you like your brother to experience the joys of fatherhood like you do, if ever he wanted to take advantage of such an opportunity to adopt?

The rest of your text covering marriage to kin and dogs and so forth sounds like a thrown out drafted speech from a religious right/Christian coalition meeting and is purely asinine and equivocal, and I will not waste my time by making a go at it and confound the writer.

Please do not make blanket statements and speak for others. If Mom and Dad have “tolerated what has become of me” because of indebtedness to Bill, I'm afraid to imagine what kind of relationship I would currently have with my parents had I not met Bill. How can you expect one to argue a debate statement like “the act is wrong” when it is presented once again as an absolute. You never even once attempted to express your thoughts as an “opinion” by using words like, “I believe, think, feel” which you should have, since your thoughts are not substantiated by positive knowledge of proof. You use the teachings of the religion with which you were raised, as the backbone of your thesis without opening yourself to other channels of research.

You bet I discussed this with Bill, not that I need to, but I want to. He is after all, my partner in life. And what do you mean by “think for yourself for a change”. I always think for myself. That's why, like any “normal” couple, we discuss but do not always agree on things. Did you share the contents of this email with your wife? Even if you may share the same values and beliefs, I highly doubt that she would have been in favor of sending your email written as it was. If you did, I would be equally as flabbergasted and disappointed in her. Even if I am not legally married to my partner, it is conspicuous I know a thing or two about being married that you have overlooked.

Finally, I was not "shoving" my lifestyle at you but was simply sharing my life. I admit, I used certain words in my blog to insinuate my disgust in certain policies by the GOP that may have "trampled" on your beliefs. I "know" that man's interpretation of the scriptures of the guidebook of the religion with which we were raised says that I can be "myself" but how I express my love in action is what is "wrong". My knowing that there is nothing wrong with how I was born and how I choose to act on it, is the very reason why I cannot continue being a fanatic follower of my religion. Do not dare misconstrue this as equating to me not having a spiritual relationship with my Creator.

So where do we go from here?
We can continue to love each other "unconditionally", but respect each other's differences without expecting to mold the other in their image.With regards to my blog (that's what it is...Sean's Blog) ...
do what I do when I receive emailed chain letters that expect forwarding ...I ignore and/or delete them.
If you do not like what you see in television, you are always free to change the channel or turn the TV off.
We always have a "choice", and that is using the word in a proper way.

Love,


Sean